But when you’re on holiday you want to woo the ones around you. So how do you speak the language of love? Glad you asked. That is my forte, if you will.
I see it now. You, Paris and that desire for a lemon and sugar crepe. Then you spot it, Crêperie Brocéliande. Then you spot him. Now, let me assist.
Babe: Tu es mignon (You are cute).
Cute Crepe Man: Tu as des beaux yeux (You have beautiful eyes).
Then you launch into my favourite line:
Si je t'aide à apprendre l'anglais, est-ce que tu m'apprendra comment embraser à la francaise? (If I help you learn English, will you teach me to French kiss?)
You’re in the city of love, after all.
Now let’s go from sweet to saucy. Spain, of course. Think: the salsa club, 4am and you spot Pedro. You approach and armed with impeccable Spanish you strike up a conversation:
Pedro: Hola guapo (Hi, beautiful).
Babe: ¿Quieres bailar conmigo? (Would you like to dance with me?)
Obviously I can't help you with your dance skills, but I assume you have this covered. So I'm not surprised when he responds with:
Pedro: Eres perfecta para mí (You are perfect to me).
And adios amigas.
Let me paint the picture: you’re sitting beneath an umbrella in Monterosso in Cinque Terre. A tall, dark man walks into the restaurant. You pause mid-gnocci-munch. You approach armed with your Italian charm:
Babe: Dove sei stato tutta la mia vita? (Where have you been all my life?)
Babe, again: Vuoi venire a cena con me? (Would you like to have dinner with me?)
He grabs your hand and you leave.
Babe, looking at the nearest vespa: Qual’è la tua vespa la fuori? (Which one’s your vespa?)
The light blue one with matching helmets, of course.
Dating in Japan is delicious: sushi and sake. So it’s the perfect place to share time with a man-babe. Here, the vending machine is the new water cooler. This is how you chat:
Man-Babe: Anata-wa tomemo kirei desu (You are very pretty).
Babe: Issho-ni nomanai? (Shall we drink together?)
A few sakes in and things start to get serious:
Babe: Aishiteru (I love you).
I know Australian isn’t a language. But we speak pretty differently down under. Make sure you skip a few syllables for a true-blue accent. And most names are never said in full. Dean becomes Deano. Sharon becomes Shazza and Kimberley becomes Kimbo. Franko.. hmmm it doesn’t really work. But babe, you can call me whatever you want.
If all else fails, use your hands… and your eyes.
Body language crosses all borders. It’s what unites us. That’s why we work so well together. So if you're having a charades moment, choose the right charade.
The lookback = your head turns over your left / right shoulder. (Whichever is your best side, babe) and you lock eyes.
The hair flick = Short hair, long hair. It all comes down to the way you flick. Slow motion is more dramatic and is best timed with your favourite movie soundtrack.
The forward lean = Let’s close the gap. Lean forward and glance up with those bedroom eyes. It’s all about being calm and confident, babe.
Now I'm locking eyes with you. Scrub time anyone? Let’s take it mile high, with my Shower Scrubs Kit: three coffee scrubs ready to travel the four corners of the globe... or the four corners of your bathroom.
And away we go.